Rushes. Contractions. Sensations. Pain. It’s a perspective thing, I guess.

At least that’s what they say. Last night, sitting at our childbirth class watching three different births left me feeling uneasy, not empowered. My reaction surprised me actually. I have witnessed my mom give birth, one time the whole process, the other time I was in and out. Those experiences exist in my memory as exciting not scary or “gross.” But I was just an observer not the laborer.

Everytime my baby wiggles, kicks and prods inside of me, I want to see “her” with a passion I can’t describe. The realization of a life within, under that tight layer of skin, is almost ridiculous. Could it really be true? A living, hiccupping child in there? (That’s what the books say is happening when I feel the soft rhythmic thumps near my pubic bone.) I want to see her, to hold her, to love her.

But to do that I will have to surrender to incredible…discomfort, a more middle of the road term. I think it is the unknown that is unnerving. I may piddle along for 20 hours and then explode into intensity for two, or I may start out in agony but only have to live through it for six. The discomfort could center in my back, the water could soothe away all my tension or I could experience an orgasmic birth (These natural people are amazing!). In the end, it doesn’t matter. It’s the only way. I just have to surrender to my body and the process and let it happen. The reward is unfathomable.

Someday this constant circle of thoughts will spin off into other directions. It will all be over. But for now, this is where I am, two steps forward, one step back. Full of passion and apprehension.

Just the way some verses melded together in my mind and on paper.

Except you left a seed, God,
To wither and die
And abide alone,
We would be like the wicked,
Shallow and dry,
Unsurrounded by this mercy
That gives us life.

But here you are, God,
Bruising heads
While being bruised,
A witness to our iniquity
And the stripes that heal us
To victory.

How can you be this great,
This good
To people who needed a seed
To grow beyond Sodom?

For this we praise you, God,
Because your mercy endureth forever,
Even to us,
Sinners who love you.

Romans 9:29, Isaiah 53:5, Psalms 32:10, Genesis 3:15, John 12:24

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This song pretty much speaks for itself. The "least of these" are God to us. We are God to them.

Where is God?
Where is God today?
Doesn't he see all the starving Children?
Where is God today?
Doesn't he hear the cries of those in pain?
Where is God today?
Doesn't he care that the world is dying?

Where is God? The question should be 'Where are His people?'
Where is God? The question should be 'Where are His people?
Where is God?

Where is God today?
Is he down at the church, dressed up in his finest?
Where is God today?
Is he sitting on the couch, staring at the TV?
Where is God today?
Is he feeling pretty good, gave 50 bucks to charity?

Where is God? The question should be 'Where are His people?'
Where is God? The question should be 'Where are His people?'
Where is God?

Where is God today?
He's lying in the street, trying to keep from freezing
Where is God today?
He's fighting with the ground, and still can't feed his famliy
Where is God today?
He's forced to sell himself on the streets of New Dheli

Where is God? The question should be 'Where are His people?'
Where is God? The question should be 'Where are His people?'
Where is God?

Oh can't you see? We are His people.

My pay as you go phone gives me the countdown "You have 44 service days remaining." My service just happens to end the 21st of August. . . the same day that she is due to arrive.

God has really blessed us the past few months. Everything just keeps falling in place. We have always had just enough to get by. I have been teaching summer school for a few weeks. seven teenagers, 4 hours a day, and a Geometry book. It has been a good experience. It will get me back in gear for the school year. We are going to be signing for an apartment this week. Starting to collect baby things and hand-me-downs. I just cant seem to wrap my brain around the idea that this thing inside of my wife's belly will soon come out and be a person. A person who will be a part of my life for the rest of my life. . . amazing.